Where do I go from here?
Topic: Christian Thought
By Melissa Nollan

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves at a point where nothing seems to make sense. It's almost as if you are standing at a crossroad in the middle of nowhere. You look down each path to find the absence of life itself.

I'm at that crossroad. I've chosen a path and walked it to find it doesn't lead anywhere. I head back and try another one, only to discover they are all the same. The strange part is that God keeps telling me that I am where He wants me to be, and I don't understand that. Why would He lead me to a place that is desolate and dry as far as the eye can see? Even as I write the words, God is answering me. I've seen this place before in my dreams, but something is different. The place I saw was covered, inch for inch, with flowers. Fields of flowers that never ended... a promise meant for me.

God is bringing me to a place in my life where ties are being broken. Though it stings, He knows I no longer need the ties that bind two hearts together. He's breaking habits and forming new bonds. Just as you drive from town to town and each one trickles out before a new one can begin, I am watching relationships end so the new ones can begin. I'm in transition. It's lonely here... so quiet and motionless. What does one do out here, in the middle of nowhere?

Suddenly another picture is coming to mind... a memory of something that happened close to two years ago while driving from Texas to Washington state. We had been driving for miles. Hours went by and we were still looking at the same lifeless land, almost as if we hadn't gone anywhere at all. I was in the passenger seat looking out the window, when I saw three men on top of a hill dressed in white. Two of the men had blonde hair and they were standing side by side, looking up to the sky. The third man was hunched over with a cross weighing down on him, he had fallen to his knees. I remember thinking, "Huh... they must be reenacting a play or something... that's cool". We continued driving, but my head replayed the picture over and over again. Questions started running through my mind. "Hey, how did they get up on top of that hill, it was really steep?" "There was no car, how did they get out here in the middle of nowhere... with a huge cross?"

I finally turned to the other people in the car and asked if they saw those men back there. They all just looked at me like I was nuts, "Uhh, what men?" How could they have missed them? It occurred to me at this point that God was trying to say something and I was oblivious to it. Just as that thought went through my mind, the tire blew out in the car. A series of strange events followed, and we assumed that God was trying to tell us, "Keep your eyes on Me" (with the two men looking to the sky). Oddly enough, I've always felt like there was something more to it than that, but more could not be found. To see those men in my head again, pertaining to my feeling like I'm at a deserted crossroad, something fits.

"Father God, give me wisdom and discernment. Reveal Yourself to me. I do not fully understand why I am here. I see visions and hear promises that I do not fully understand either. Only You can unveil my eyes and open my ears. Speak to my heart. Loneliness has felt like a plague in my life for so long, I do not understand why you are bringing me here. I know You are with me, but it hurts to watch each relationship in my life fall away. One by one, those close to me are being pulled in a different direction. I feel strengthened, yet I feel weak. I trust You and You alone, Lord. Show me Your heart in this. Show me what to do and where to go. I want what You have for me, Lord. Let Your will, not mine, be done. AMEN"
--Melissa